And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
