6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
420 ftw
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
