Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sarcasm needs its own font
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
