nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
