Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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