dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
