Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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