I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
