I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
