maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I did not marry a roomba.
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