So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
