he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
