Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
