I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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