You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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