I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
