you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
