i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
