Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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