That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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