It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
