is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
