he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
