I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
