he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
