Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
