I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
