Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She even gives head with a lisp.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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