My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
