Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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