You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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