i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
