hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
