I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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