You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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