Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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