the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
