I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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