so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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