don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
