I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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