Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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