just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize