I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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