Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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