walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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