I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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