why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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