elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
