the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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