dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
