You can't motorboat a personality
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
