considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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