there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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