i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
