ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
