To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need a beard to bite.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
