I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
