i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
