you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
