Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
