Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
