You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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