there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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