I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize