Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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