Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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