I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
