why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
