I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
